i dont understand why with these other girls…you so openly express your love for them. and you never once did that for me. how you could just drag on our secret relationship…of deep things you’ve said…like i want to marry you and most importantly i love you. i dont get it. i gave you everything and more and it wasnt enough. i wanted to work things out with you and i was so willing to take on any challenges that faced our relationship…but i guess i just wasnt good enough. cause im not even your friend anymore. im no longer apart of your life….and this is what you wanted. i know exactly why you did it. you did it because you would do anything to make it work with her and that means dump me….because you knew that if you kept me around you would cheat on her with me. you did it before. it is not my fault you put yourself there. but i do have to say that im proud that you did that for her. and you dont want to hurt her…like you hurt me. it does suck to see you treat me the way you do…because all i wanted was to be treated the way you did in the very beginning. if i could take one moment back in my life…id choose the moment i said no to you because it seems we both hold grief with that moment. if i could sit down and talk to you for a while this is what i would say…im sorry for saying no. i think we both wish that magic began. and im sure there were moments were we wanted it to happen again and have all those incredible times back. im sorry for trying so hard to have you back in my life. im sorry for doing anything and everything to keep you here. im sorry for you having so much meaning to me. im sorry for caring about you. im sorry for loving you. im sorry for acting like a child. im sorry for having sex with you so many times. im sorry for searching for happiness within you. im sorry for wanting to be there for you. im sorry for expecting so much from you. im sorry for making sacrifices for you. im sorry for being proud of you. im sorry i cried so much over you. im sorry i annoyed you sometimes. im sorry i took you to disneyland. im sorry i wanted you so badly. im sorry you dont want me. im sorry you dont love me. im sorry you dont want me to be there. im sorry you dont want to spend the rest of your life with me. im sorry you dont want me in your life period. it all seems like a waist of time now and im sorry. the reason why i am apologizing for all these things is because if you love someone…you say sorry even if it wasnt your fault and you continue to love. also if you love someone you should set them free…and want the best for them even if its not with you. i realize now…that im still happy and proud of you. even though you and i are splitting ways…moving on in life to other things and other people, we are still okay. id like to thank you for all you have done for me. all that you have made me realize and what i have learned from you. i have so much respect for you. thank you for showing me how powerful love can be. how weak it can make you and how broken hearts can make you stronger. I can only hope ive inspired you in some way shape or form. i will never have a bitter word for you. i will never hate you. i will never curse your name. as far as the future goes with you and i….id hope to say that we will meet in passing. so much time will pass with no words said, that starting over would be best. in the end all i hope for is for you to look back on me and smile. its all ive ever asked of you. its all that ever made me happy. was your smile. as much as you hate your smile it looks amazing on you. not a day goes by that i dont think of you and how much i wish i could start over with you. but one day in the far future you will be getting a mysterious text message that says “hey:)”. hopefully by then…nothing will be as it is now. i hope that we can look at eachother in a different light. a light that shines of respect and friendship. when i see you now my heart doesnt break…it does nothing. my mind is what needs help. ive been going crazy over you and these days my sanity is slowly coming back. one day i hope to completely forget all negative thoughts of you. there is no possible way i can forget you completely because in a sense you are apart of me. you were the one that bought my first tattoo…so technically you own the skin on my left hip…what am i supposed to say when i tell that story? you are clearly a staple to the subject.

all in all…im not ready to see or talk again as much as i want to…i still have more to straighten out. all i can do now is hope and pray we both will see and enjoy the day we meet again. until then….ill miss you. you’ll be in my heart always.

i took down a picture of you and i today…and i just lost it.

if i could have one day back id still pick the day i said no to you…just so i could say yes.

Every day your face fades from my memory. I forget alittle more how beautiful we once were. I forget about the best times we spent together. I forget about the old you that was honest and respectful. The one that wanted to be my friend and never hurt me. It broke my heart that you wanted nothing to do with me. But I’m not letting you bring me down anymore. Everyday I focus on forgetting every part of you. And when we meet in the future if we ever do….I will be different and so will you. New people meeting for the first time. Let’s just hope this time it won’t get fucked up. Just know that the end came and passed and now you are nothing but the dust behind my footsteps.

I haven’t cried or been extremely sad for a really long time..things are lookin up

You know I act all little girl cutesy…cause that’s just me..but you say your not into it. And whenever I have a serious moment and don’t laugh and stop flirting..you think I dont want to have fun. Ugh I’m so confused!! You want me to grow up…but I know you like my flirty little girly stuff.
Ugh this shit sucks. I just want things to be normal! And perfect with you! I know you still have feelings for me!! I know you do!!:/

My dreams all night are screaming you don’t want me at all my mind all day is screaming I miss you too much.

id still give anything to have you back.

i miss your face.